So… The Royal Family. Now I’m not a royalist or anything but…OK I’m totally a closet royalist. Obviously it’s much easier to get away with being ‘into’ the Royal Family in LA than it would be if I still lived in England where that kind of behavior is seen as pretty uncool. Well, it’s seen as uncool though most people are secretly still slightly interested. I have a friend who went to Oxford and when Kate and Wills were getting wed, all the girls crowded round the telly and drunk in every detail whilst vehemently pointing out that they were not into the whole thing at all and were about to leave any minute now to go to their economics and mathematical systems lecture. So even the smartest of us have the same kind of underground appreciation.
The English often like to love and hate something all at the same time: Pop Idol, Jamie Oliver, Tony Blair, Centre Parks. The Royal Family comfortably falls into this category.
All this preamble and justification is because today, I want to talk about Prince Harry’s new girlfriend. Camila Thurlow. You read it here first: They are going to get married. Of course you’ll be wondering how on earth I know this when I don’t know either or them and have no insider knowledge whatsoever.
On a weird ‘insider information’ side note…At one stage of my life I was a massage therapist and I once gave a massage to that Sun journalist who got a job at the palace as a butler or something and then spilled the beans about a bunch of embarrassing stuff like Prince Andrew telling the servants to ‘fuck off’ when they woke him up in the morning. He didn’t stop asking me questions the whole way through the massage and his mid-back area was super tight.
This knowledge of a future engagement isn’t because I have a pal pretending to be Prince Harry’s scullery maid or anything. No. I just know it.
And yes it’s going to be awkward for Harry to have his wife have the same name as his step-mother but I suppose they’ll figure it out. At my work we have two mangers both called Kevin (again, Kevin is a normal name for normal people in America). Having two Kevins caused endless confusion so we ended up calling one of them Kev and the other: The Bear Slayer. But that’s a story for another time.
So why do I think Harry and Cammy are going to get married? Multiple reasons:
1. Prince Harry is in the zone. The marriage zone. He’s about to turn 30. The Queen’s putting the pressure on. Straight out of a story book he’s a Prince of Age Looking for a Wife. I’m surprised they didn’t already throw a ball where a black swan showed up.
2. She’s smart – straight As. Going from his academic record, Harry’s not as smart as she is. However I think he’s the kind of guy that will be super impressed by her brains as opposed to intimidated. (Again – never met Prince Harry in my life.)
3. She’s Scottish. In an 18th century kind of way, this will be a good alliance between the two countries. Especially when Scotland is considering breaking away. A royal wedding to a girl from the Dumfries will put an end to all that chatter once and for all. The Queen is thinking: Yes!
4. She’s sporty. The last one was too arty. Harry is more sporty than arty. This is a better match.
5. She was once in a beauty pageant. (She was crowned Miss Edinburgh). This more than anything makes me think that this one is the next Duchess of Whatever Title She’s Going to Get. Because of this: She. Is. Up for it. She’s worn a tiara before and liked it. She’ll not go running in the opposite direction of all that ‘duty.’ She’ll run towards it. Again it sounded like the last one was kind of being dragged towards the whole thing kicking and screaming – that scenario had disaster written all over it. Thank God she’s gone back to shellacking her pointe shoes.
One other note. Everyone keeps saying how Camila Thurston looks just like Kate Middleton. This comment has the inappropriate undertone that Harry’s trying to make up for the fact that he can’t have his brother’s wife, so instead he’s trying to find someone who looks just like her.
Um, is this because they both have long brown hair?
Everyone’s got it completely wrong. Camila actually looks just like Jools Oliver: