1. Unless you isolate your kid permanently in Michael Jackson-style oxygen chamber he will get sick and you get to pick up a good portion of the sicknesses too.
2. When you are sick – you have to keep being a mother – yes, even when you have a temperature of 103…
3. Taking your kid in and out of car seat will cause you to break into a thorough sweat. As you will probably do this many times a day, be prepared to get sweaty. Very sweaty.
4. Your kid will wrestle with you every time it’s time to change his diaper and this will result in him, you, your work clothes, your hair, your bra and most of the changing mat becoming covered in poo.
5. When you go out with your little one and everyone smiles at him – you are obliged to dreamily smile back – even if you’ve only had 40 minutes sleep over the past three days.
6. The signal that your kid has finished dinner is that he will start to pick it up and throw it at you, the cat, the sofa, the TV. I recommend wooden flooring throughout.
7. The ample supply of clichéd and out dated advice from well-meaning individuals that you received when you were pregnant won’t stop after you’ve given birth.
8. You just won’t love your pets as much. Sorry Mr. Pickle Pants.
9. No one else’s kid will be as cute, funny or smart as yours.
10. You’ll love your kid so much that every time you look at them sleeping you feel like someone just kicked you in the chest…
I love you Finny boy!
