Ladies business in the bathroom

OK – men – you will not want to read this post (OK Prexus Swyftwynd, I know you will want to read it because for whatever reason you are just all in to that kinda thing but no other guy will want to read this.)

Alright now we’ve got rid of the men folk, ladies – what do y’all do about getting subtly to and from the bathroom at work when you are transporting your tampons? I don’t how you are all doing it because at my office I don’t see anyone carrying anything looking like it could be a tampon – ever.

OK there was one time I walked into the bathroom at the same time as one woman who was clutching a pink embroidered padded oblong baggy as she walked in.  It was pretty obvious what the contents of that bag were – tampons, tampons and more tampons.  I myself am not about to walk down my office corridor holding a pretty little faux makeup bag bulging with sanitary products.  It’s too damn obvious.  You may as well walk down the corridor wearing a t-shirt that says, “Yes there’s a sizable hole between my legs and which quite frequently leaks red, red blood…”  And no – no one thinks the padded baggy is your makeup bag.  Nobody’s fooled. Everyone knows you do your makeup at your desk.   Especially now your iPhone niftily doubles up as mirror. 

Some women walk into the bathroom with their handbag slung casually over their shoulder – but unless you’re doing this bang at noon – again – everyone knows what you are up to.  Going into the bathroom at 9.43 with your handbag. Eh?  Eh?  You can almost hear the men in the cubicles think it as you walk past them: “Oh Jesus, I’d better leave it a few days before I ask her about that SharePoint site again…”

What do I do?  I either do the noon handbag rush, slip a tampon up my sleeve or if I’m wearing a short sleeve top I unsubtly wrap a tampon up in a cardigan (that’s Brit speak for a woolen button up sweater) and carry the cardigan and the tampon into the bathroom.  Am I fooling anyone? I’ve no idea. 

Community question: So how do you do it ladies? How do you covertly get to and from the office bathroom with your tampons? Share your stealth tips with me…

Looking for the biological logic

Just before my period I well up with a mad rage inside me that makes me want to c-lean!  Suddenly the jobs of washing the windows and bleaching the bath that were so unappealing mid-cycle – become my favorite past times.  I sit at work and daydream about getting on my hands and knees and giving my kitchen floor a good scrubbing.  After work I drive home all in a hurry eager to ransack the filing cabinet and realphabetize everything more efficiently! 

What I want to know is: What is the biological logic behind this?

I can understand this rampant nesting instinct when pregnant, (let’s get things clean for the baby) I can understand being horny as hell when I’m ovulating but the excessive cleaning and organizing before I get my period?  Is this some kind of desperate attempt by my body to attract a man? “Look! Egg not fertilized – make your house smell of bleach and appear to be organized in order to get some sperm to visit!” I don’t think so or instead of wanting to reorder my sock drawer and defrost my freezer I’d have a mad passion to go to Victoria Secrets and get highlights in my hair – and that is not the case. 

Maybe it’s just that at some point during the month I should be driven to clean and tidy and when I’m about to blob is probably a better biological time to be preoccupied with it as right then I’m not fertile at all.  And obviously I’m not going to be into it when I’m on my period as then I’ll be too busy stuffing my face with pizza and weeping at Sleepless in Seattle – again. What? It’s a classic!

Hmm – ideas anyone?

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