The VPL

August 23, 2010 at 9:27 am (Other stuff, The human body, Akwardness)
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Today I was a woman with a VPL.

The VPL

I always thought women who went out in public with a VPL – visible panty line – must be brain dead on some level – how can you not be aware that the world can see the line where your panties press up against your trousers?  Do you really want anyone to see how the fat of your butt is pinched and bulged against the elastic of your underwear? Clearly the answer is: NO!

However today – that woman was me.  In my drawer there was one clean pair of boy short panties and in the wardrobe: one clean pair of pants. And the combination made: a VPL. 

Today I was that brain-dead lady people.  I was her.  And I expect some woman out there judged me accordingly and is writing all about it on her blog right now…

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Unpredictive texting

August 8, 2010 at 9:29 am (Other stuff, Rants and raves and foams at the mouth)
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I don’t have an iPhone.

I’m sure I’m not the only woman in Los Angeles rolling with a Motorola Razr but sometimes, it feels like it.  This is actually very normal for me. Every time something new and whizzy comes along: texting, hair straighteners, twitter, online banking it has to get to a stage where I’m so embarrassingly behind everyone else that I eventually have no other option than to begrudgingly join the party. 

However regarding the iPhone I am nursing an objection.  And my objection is to the ‘stuff’ creep.  The creeping of extra ‘stuff’ coming into our lives that should be luxuries but somehow, within a few months of their introduction, become necessities. And darned expensive ones at that. For example: The cell phone… When I had a shared plan with Jude – who didn’t stop to consider the expense of sending texts to his girlfriend when she was in Amsterdam – my cell phone bill used to make me weep.  Extortionate! Way too large of a percentage of my salary was going to AT&T.  But before we all had them – cell phones weren’t necessary.  People would just have to make firm plans and keep to them. And just not communicate with their extramarital girlfriends when they were in Amsterdam.  But these days – the thought of not being able to text or call whenever you need to seems ridiculous – even unsafe… 

Read the rest of this entry »

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LA traffic versus UK traffic – continued : Pedestrians

July 15, 2010 at 9:43 am (british ex-pat, Manners, Other stuff, Rants and raves and foams at the mouth)
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Not to go all Alan Partridge on you, but I’d like to point out that the rules in the US regarding pedestrians are very different from those in the UK.  In the UK, pedestrians cross the road at their own peril.  If a car looks like it’s going to drive over you – it’s probably best to wait till it has passed before you step out into the road. You are probably less likely to die that way.

In the US – it’s the reverse – which is strange for a car-centric country but over here the Pedestrian is God.  The Pedestrian has the right of way at all times which is logical I suppose in that they don’t have 4000 lbs of metal around their bodies to protect them – but in my opinion the power has gone to the Pedestrians’ head.

Pedestrians over here launch themselves out into the road without a moment’s notice – looking the other way – sometimes tagging a child along with them.  If you hit them – per US law – it’s all your fault.  Many times I’ve thrown my brakes on as someone’s launched themselves out into the street directly in front of my car.  And then, instead of them looking skywards and offering up a sliver of gratitude that they weren’t crushed into a meaty pulp they simply give me a filthy look – or – as on one occasion recently bang the front of my bonnet – sorry, hood. 

O Pedestrians.  On this one Alan, I am with you.

Aha!

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The curious incident of the theft of the kiddie car on a Sunday morning…

July 12, 2010 at 9:31 am (Other stuff)

A few Sundays past Finn and I were victims of a heist.

The kiddie car thief of Los Angeles paid us a visit early in the morning. 

From my living room window I watched in sleepy disbelief as a white van drove practically up on to my lawn and a man launched himself out of the passenger door.

Whilst his – literal – partner in crime kept the engine running, he flew across my front lawn, grabbed Finn’s red kiddie car from where it was sat innocently next to the barbeque, threw it in the back of the van and the pair drove off…

I mean really. You’re so hard up for cash you’re stealing kid’s toys now?

What I want to know is what this pair’s next gig is – cancelling Christmas? Hijacking Hanukkah? Shooting the Easter bunny? Stomping on the tooth fairy? I think it’s safe to say these two are not nice guys.

The only comfort I can take from any of this is that somewhere out there some kid is enjoying Finn’s kiddie car.  And as these cars cost over $70 this kid probably wouldn’t have anything of the sort had someone not stolen it for him. I just hope he’s having as much fun in it as much as Finn used to.

However all’s well that ends well – I got on Craiglist today and located a half-price radio wagon for sale in Torrance.

Let’s just hope it wasn’t stolen from someone else’s front yard and is being turned around for a quick profit…  Maybe we should start putting LoJacks on these things?

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